Breathing.

Wow. I found this in a notebook. I must've written it a while back. I'm pretty sure I know who it's about though. :)

"Just breathe", he told me.

I forced myself to take three deep breaths.

One.... Two.... Three....

I sucked the air in hard,

but my breaths still came out shallow.

I knew I was breathing,

but I could not feel the air inside of me.

My neck and shoulders ached with tension

as I stared out the car window, still focused on breathing.

I was so overwhelmed by my sudden change in emotion

that I was finding it hard to do normal things, like breathing.

Regardless of the situation,

no matter how consuming it was...

I knew I had to breathe.

I was breathing for him...because he asked me to.

Sometimes I wish I had more baby pictures...

Dearest __________,

The best part of me is you.
You're the first person to creep into my mind when I wake up,
and the last person to leave my mind before I drift to sleep.
I think of how the decisions I make daily will affect you.
and when my mind wanders during class, my thoughts float to you.
You're who I call when I can't sleep at night.
You're my proof that love is factual, not fictional.
Now, I plan my days around you.
Someday, I'll plan my life around you.


Love always, __________

To be Strong.

Dear ______,
Hello, nice to meet you.
You don't know me.
You don't know me at all, actually.
So, where have you been?

I play soccer now. . . .
I'm on the dance team and I write for the school newspaper.
I have a boyfriend. He's really nice.
I'm going to college next year and I'm learning how to drive.
I have my whole life planned out.

Does that make you proud?

In a way, I kind of hate you. . . . even though I don't know you.
I think that's why I hate you actually, because I dont' know you.
I hate you for not being in my life.
Why didn't you want to know me?
I'm a great person to know.
I'm funny and smart.
I think we could've gotten along.

You don't know this. . . . but, you taught me how to forget and how to ignore pain.
You taught me how to be strong.

I don't like to talk about you. . . . but I think about you a lot.
I wonder what it would be like if you were here.
I wonder what it would be like to meet you.
I wonder if you would want to meet me.
& I wonder if you think about me too.

But the harsh reality is: We could be sitting in the same room, and I wouldn't know you. . . . nor would you know me.
Just two strangers, that's all we are.

Journalism is hard.

I never thought that telling the truth could be so restrictive on creativity.
Write about budget cuts. Write about construction news. Write about the new teacher.
So, I write.
They give my paper back; REWRITE.
Take out all adjectives. No room for descriptive words in the newspaper.
Take out all opinions. No one cares what you think.
Research! Nothing that comes from your mind is good enough. The only thoughts that matter are the thoughts of professionials.
Lead. Quote. Transition. Quote. Transition. Qoute. Transition. Quote. Transition.



I feel like a mindless robot.
I'm not a writer, I'm simply a window for people to view what's going on in the world, or in my case the school.
I'm the researcher. . . . The person who gathers the information and then provides it in a simple, easy-to-read, straight-forward article that requires no thought, nor does it make you think. It just is.
I'm the media.
This information is out there for people, so why can't they just go find it themselves?
I'm convenience.
I'm everything I do not want to be, but I have no choice.

Dear Derek,

Happy anniversary. <3

So, we've been together for five months. Almost half a year already.

Let me start by saying that I love you. You know you mean THE WORLD to me.

You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. (:

Thank you for always being there for me through the good times and the bad.

I don't know what I would do if you weren't by my side.

You make me so happy.

Thanks for never letting me fall.

Thanks for caring so much about me.

Thanks for making me smile BIG when I'm having a bad day.

Babe, in these past five months we've experienced so much together.

We have so much fun together.

I seriously think we were meant for each other. <3

You're a dork, but that's why I fell for you. (:

That, plus 50 jillion other reasons. haha.

You're just amazing.

Derek, you're the SWEETEST, CUTEST, NICEST, FUNNIEST, DORKIEST, BESTEST boyfriend ever!

Thank you for a great five months.

I love you. <3

I give up.
I can't deal anymore.
I just want the things that hold me down. . . . the things that keep me from losing it.
Soccer. Dance. Derek.
I can't deal with anything else at the moment.
So that's what I'm going to do.
Focus on those three things that make me oh so happy.